Back To Square One

In January of 2024, I decided that I wouldn’t create another polymer clay collection and that instead, I would endeavor to transition fully into Precious Metal Clay and precious metal fabrication. As of January 2024, I had been working with the new medium for exactly 9 weeks. 

During the first week of the new year, I found myself experiencing a whirlwind of emotion: overwhelmed by the incredible immensity of the options before me as a burgeoning metalsmith; excited and eager to explore and push the boundaries of what I’d learned; mourning- for the art and jewelry that had made me maker, a business owner, and created a community that I cherish. 

I cried so many times that week as I tried to pinpoint the frustrations I was feeling, and realized that I was back at square one for the first time in four years. 

And let me tell you- it’s a humbling place to be. 

I’ve been self-employed full time since 2021 and have been able to rely, steadily, on that income and my ability to produce since I took that leap. If I’m being honest, I hardly remembered what it was like to be just starting out, just trying to figure things out, just trying to make it work- until I found myself back there with metalsmithing. 

Currently, I am reliant on at least three people, who are allowing me to use their studios and their tools to create. I don’t have the luxury of transitioning slowly into this new medium because this is my livelihood and my entire income- but I also don’t have the business capital to invest in an entirely new set up (nor is my landlord stoked on the idea of me “literally playing with fire” in my rental). On the other hand, you might ask why I didn’t slowly transition and keep working with polymer clay. The answer is simple: I don’t want to. I’ve known for months, maybe years that it was time to move on from polymer clay as a medium. I crave being inspired and challenged in my art again, and I need that if I am to sustain the work I do for the collective. 

And so the challenge before me is truly to accept this new pace that I must work at, to be gracefully subject to people’s generosity and time, and to accept that I control much less in this process of creating than I have in a very long time. 

But, on the brightside, being back at square is giving me insight into how our new makers feel when they join the collective, or do their first market, or try a new product. I forgot the terror and the wonder that accompany this journey and I’m grateful for the chance to experience it again, and to turn this experience into new strength and new perspectives in which to better serve our community.